"Every Who down in Whoville liked Christmas a lot, but the Grinch, who lived just north of Whoville, did not. The Grinch hated Christmas - the whole Christmas season. Oh, please don't ask why, no one quite knows the reason. It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight. Or maybe his head wasn't screwed on just right. But I think that the most likely reason of all may have been that his heart was two sizes too small."
In case any of you do not know, I am married to the Grinch
In case any of you do not know, I am married to the Grinch
No not that one. This one 
Same personality, different look… lucky for Jack. I mean really, could you imagine going through middle school looking like this? 
Neither could I. So this season all started with the untangling of lights and decorating of the tree (I did by myself), wrapping and shopping for perfect gifts, again, myself. And the outside décor with my family but again in the "husband, wife, Norman Rockwell, Chirstmas Carols in the back ground preparation for Christmas"…. Yours Truly. It's not as bad as I make it sound because I love Christmas enough for the both of us and of course as they say if you want it done right….
I would like a little curiosity and shaking of the gifts I bought him and wrapped under the tree, but he just walks right by them. Does he not care about what I got him? Are they not important to him? Does he actually LIKE the element of surprise? Does it not eat at his very soul with curiousity of what this oddly shaped gift might be?
For some reason MY presents, be it any occasion worthy of a wrapped gift, talk. No, seriously. They say my name. They taunt me. "Open me, Whitney, Come on, open me. We won't tell. You can re-wrap me and no one will ever know." OR "All the cool kids are shaking their Christmas presents." and sometimes they even say " Where's that Christmas spirit? Inside this present, darnit!"
So now that you have an insight of the Lamp Family Christmas spirit background let me begin my story.
Everyone knows of, if not owned a ceramic tree. In fact your mom or grandmother probably made it. For those interested here is a short history of the ceramic tree. So for a fundraiser my company raffled one of these lovely gems to raise money for Relay for Life.
Stuart brought Jack up here one day to see the decorations and the ladies I work with when he stopped in his tracks…. And then the dialogue went as follows:
So now that you have an insight of the Lamp Family Christmas spirit background let me begin my story.
Everyone knows of, if not owned a ceramic tree. In fact your mom or grandmother probably made it. For those interested here is a short history of the ceramic tree. So for a fundraiser my company raffled one of these lovely gems to raise money for Relay for Life.
Stuart brought Jack up here one day to see the decorations and the ladies I work with when he stopped in his tracks…. And then the dialogue went as follows:
S: Oh yall have a ceramic tree?
W: Yes, I think it is being raffled off for charity
S: Well, how many tickets did you buy?
W: Yes, I think it is being raffled off for charity
S: Well, how many tickets did you buy?
W: Ummmmm….. NONE? It's a seventies ceramic tree!
S: Well, I just had one when I was a kid, it was my night light and I broke it. I think about that tree every night as i lie awake in bed..
W: OK? Well, It's a seventies ceramic tree.
S: Well it would not hurt to buy a ticket if it is for charity. You know, it is the season for giving and thinking of others. Maybe we should buy twenty tickets. Or Maybe twenty-five, well how about 30, thirty is a good even number. I feel lucky.
W: mmmmmk (as I grab jack and walk off)
(Some of that was exagerated)
As I thought about it throughout the day I remembered my Nana had two, so I asked if we could have one of them and explained, how Stuart liked it (at that time I had NO idea how much.)
I got home and told Stuart I had a change of heart and as tacky as I thought it was I would be willing to place this shiny spectacle somewhere in my home and to top it off, my Nana had one. Exact quote "This is going to be the best Christmas ever" followed by a hug followed by clearing a spot and dust off the microwave "It shall go right HERE!" and one more "This is going to be the best Christmas ever" as he walked off. I think I stood there with a funny look on my face for at least 2 minutes.
Later on, we went and picked up the one Paw Paw had got from the Flea Market (she wouldn't give me the one mom made but that's a whole new post and possibly a few hours of group therapy.) We got it home and we, I mean HE (did i mention that he insisted on doing this himself??) started placing each light in a specific place moving them around at least for an hour and I was not allowed to help. As I walked by I replied, "you could at least sing Christmas Carols", he had no reply but a few seconds later, as I am wrapping gifts, I hear "Mary Had A Little Lamb." Yes, I know what you're thinking and no, a Christmas version does not exist. But what can you expect from the Grinch? I can't say that i'm one hundred percent positive I didn't marry Jewish. I mean who dosent know at least one Christmas Carol.
The next day was the raffle, even though we had one now it WAS from the flea market and WAS a little rickedy. OH and for goodness sake it “didn’t have a star on top!”
So I bought 30 tickets and of course (as you would expect with 30 tickets) we are the proud new owners of a ceramic tree WITH A STAR ON TOP. I called Stuart and told him the news to which he replied “This is going to be the best 2008 Christmas EVER!” (Like there were 2 in 2008) and “Jack, just Wait till your mom gets home!) I told him maybe when Jack gets older he can put the lights on and he would like that to which I was quickly corrected that our ceramic tree is in fact NOT Jack’s tree it is Stuarts.
"And what happened then? Well, in Whoville they say that the Grinch's small heart grew three sizes that day. And then the true meaning of Christmas came through, and the Grinch found the strength of ten Grinches plus two."
I wrote this little ditty for Stuart
As I thought about it throughout the day I remembered my Nana had two, so I asked if we could have one of them and explained, how Stuart liked it (at that time I had NO idea how much.)
I got home and told Stuart I had a change of heart and as tacky as I thought it was I would be willing to place this shiny spectacle somewhere in my home and to top it off, my Nana had one. Exact quote "This is going to be the best Christmas ever" followed by a hug followed by clearing a spot and dust off the microwave "It shall go right HERE!" and one more "This is going to be the best Christmas ever" as he walked off. I think I stood there with a funny look on my face for at least 2 minutes.
Later on, we went and picked up the one Paw Paw had got from the Flea Market (she wouldn't give me the one mom made but that's a whole new post and possibly a few hours of group therapy.) We got it home and we, I mean HE (did i mention that he insisted on doing this himself??) started placing each light in a specific place moving them around at least for an hour and I was not allowed to help. As I walked by I replied, "you could at least sing Christmas Carols", he had no reply but a few seconds later, as I am wrapping gifts, I hear "Mary Had A Little Lamb." Yes, I know what you're thinking and no, a Christmas version does not exist. But what can you expect from the Grinch? I can't say that i'm one hundred percent positive I didn't marry Jewish. I mean who dosent know at least one Christmas Carol.
The next day was the raffle, even though we had one now it WAS from the flea market and WAS a little rickedy. OH and for goodness sake it “didn’t have a star on top!”
So I bought 30 tickets and of course (as you would expect with 30 tickets) we are the proud new owners of a ceramic tree WITH A STAR ON TOP. I called Stuart and told him the news to which he replied “This is going to be the best 2008 Christmas EVER!” (Like there were 2 in 2008) and “Jack, just Wait till your mom gets home!) I told him maybe when Jack gets older he can put the lights on and he would like that to which I was quickly corrected that our ceramic tree is in fact NOT Jack’s tree it is Stuarts.
"And what happened then? Well, in Whoville they say that the Grinch's small heart grew three sizes that day. And then the true meaning of Christmas came through, and the Grinch found the strength of ten Grinches plus two."
I wrote this little ditty for Stuart
Ode to Our Ceramic Christmas TreeO Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree,
You are from ninteen seventy,
O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree,
You made my Stuey happy
The bright green gloss, and faux snow
His adoration clearly showed
His adoration clearly showed
O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree,
You made my Stuey, happy.
Tis sits alone on microwave,
It stares at me, as I heat treats I crave
Its lights are plastic and there bright;
It stares at me, as I heat treats I crave
Its lights are plastic and there bright;
A star on top that sits just right ,
A voice tells me we’ll never part
This glossy tree owns Stueys heart
Who thought a tree of maintenance low
This glossy tree owns Stueys heart
Who thought a tree of maintenance low
Would make my grinches heart grow.
Incase you would also like to have the best Christmas EVER you can find everything you will need here.
Merry Christmas Ever, from the Lamp Family
3 comments:
You crack me up. My grandmother has one of those trees, and I even remember as a kid, playing with all the little removable lights. Ahhh... memories.
Oh my! This post made me crack up. It almost made me want one of those little trees. ALMOST! I don't think it would fit with my decor though. Hope you guys continue to have the best Christmas EVER!
The quote that best sums up this Christmas:
This is the hap-hap-happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap danced with Danny F-ing Kaye.
- Clark W. Griswold
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