"The poorest, the weakest, the simplest child, is born for immortality. This value outweighs the entire material universe, no matter how small a mark this child makes on it. The tiniest infant owns a deathless intellect, and is as immortal as the Father of spirits. No one can tell what this child will become."

~ A Prebyterian Pastor who died in 1873


"And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise."

~ (Deuteronomy 6:6-7)

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

The Jen Commandments

I came across this book, "Bitter is the New Black : Confessions of a Condescending, Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smarta**,Or, Why You Should Never Carry A Prada Bag to the Unemployment Office" by Jen Lancaster. I have been following her blog for a while. Which is hilarious by the way. My friend Rachel turned me on to the book series and the blog.

Don't worry I am not going to give you a book report on it. However, there is one section called "The Jen Commandments" that I loved and think that it sums up every woman. If Stuart and I wrote our own vows at our wedding I totally would have plagiarized this section of the book.

So here they are: The Jen Commandments:

One: I loathe cooking. Therefore anytime I am forced into meal preparation, expect it to be done as loudly, profanely, and grudgingly as possible. (Angry: It's what's for dinner.)

Two: I hate holding anything heavier than my purse. If I have something in my hands, I will attempt to trick you into carrying it for me.

Three: I am not a great listener, although I might appear to be. Sure, I may be nodding and saying, "Mmm hmm," but usually I'm just trying to think of a way to steer the conversation back to being about me.

Four: It is always about me.

Five: I complain. A lot. Be particularly cautious if I am hungry, hot or tired. May God have mercy on your soul if I am all three.

Six: I am fashionably late for social obligations. The only exception is when I have brunch with Melissa. You must chauffeur me to the restaurant and I will shriek the entire time for dawdling, also known as obeying traffic signals. If it means getting me there on time, you will be expected to drive on the sidewalk.

Seven: Speaking of friends, many of them are cuter or thinner than me. You are not allowed to notice this.

Eight: There will be occasions when you breathe too loudly for my liking. Ditto on chewing.

Nine: All men's socks look the same to me. If you care about wearing a matching set, please double-check them yourself before crossing your legs at a business meeting.

Ten: I enjoy rearranging furniture. You need to enjoy moving bookcases.

Hope you enjoyed that as much as I did.
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